Honest Voting

The Internet is a very big place, as a friend reminds me every so often. Do we need to rely solely on dusty facts and outrage to force ourselves into the poll booth? We do not. Besides, frankly, I can use a laugh/smile/ironic raised eyebrow right about now, can’t you?

In the “I can’t believe I had to remind myself of this one” category, back in May 2007 the lingerie company Triumph International Japan announced a new concept bra called the “Voter Turnout Lift-UP! Bra.” The brassiere is made of silver vinyl, with the Japanese characters for “ballot box” written on the front.

In England, by contrast, it’s men’s underwear that seems to affect voting patterns, according to an article in the Daily Mail, “Boxers or briefs: Why a man’s underpants are the bloodstream of our country.” Let’s not look too closely at the headline — it conjures up far too many uncomfortable images. But the article’s author, Quentin Letts, says that the United Kingdom is “surely the only country in the world where the result of not one but two general elections may have been influenced by party leaders’ choice of drawers.”

The United States, on the third hand, assumes a candidate will wear underwear, enjoys speculating on the contents of a candidate’s underwear, but so far has not let an election hinge on anyone’s choice of undergarments. …Well, okay, bloggers and comedians often riffed on Romney’s religious garb, but it was his speeches and public appearances that did him in.

In Russia, far from undoing a politician’s career, underwear has been enlisted in the aid of the government. (”In Russia, underwear tries to convert *you*!”) Witness this pro-Putin underwear offered by a young Russian designer.

That’s all I can wrap my head around right now.  It’s only a few years until someone offers underpants with embedded electroluminescent wire that spells out a candidate’s name.  If the light’s too bright election officials might have to ban EL underwear from polling places on the grounds it would constitute electionneering.

It’s nice to have something to look forward to.

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